Hi everybody.
This isn't going to be real long--I don't have the energy today. But there is good news and bad news. Good news is that as of 9:24 PM on Friday Josh and I became parents, the bad news is Someone else is going to be raising her. I guess that has good news in it too. Because that "Someone" is God and He is a perfect parent--He won't let any pain, disappointment or tears come into her life. She is now a happy, perfectly healthy, beautiful child. I don't know, will she still be an infant in Heaven? or will she be 5 years old or grown? I don't know. Guess I'll have to wait and see. But I was talking to Meg yesterday (she had a miscarriage this fall)and reminded me that now little Charlotte has a friend to play with!!
We're going this morning to sign papers for our little Ady to be cremated. I'm not really looking forward to it. That's just something parents shouldn't have to go through. We'll have a memorial service for her at our church sometime after we get back from CO. We haven't got anything other than that planned. We'll keep you posted. That's it for now--at some point I'll probably write about getting to hold her but I"m not ready for that yet.
I probably won't get on till after we get back from snowy Colorado, but thank you all for your comments, support and prayers. We definitely appreciate them all.
Here is one of the poems that I put in her scrapbook.
Your little body may die,
But your spirit will live on
And has already flown to
Our Saviour’s arms.
We shall see your face
And hold your hand.
For all is not lost,
You are in our Lord’s hands
Sarah
Monday, January 28, 2008
Thursday, January 24, 2008
I'll Fly Away...
Hi Everybody.
One of the first times I remember hearing the song "I'll Fly Away" was after Mrs. Schutte's Grandfather (I think...) passed away. About 30 or so of the Schutte clan was up in Leadville and got up to sing in church--of course leaving about 30 of us sitting in the pews :o) (we don't have a really big church). If you've never had the chance to hear Mr and Mrs Schutte sing, you are really missing out and when you get to hear 30 of them sing, it'll bring tears to your eyes-it's so beautiful. But anyway--they got up and sang a good old Southern Gospel Version of "I'll Fly Away"--rejoicing that their loved one was in Heaven. I'll never forget that.
I know you are wondering where I'm going with this, but I hadn't felt Ady move since Saturday evening and was starting to get worried. Last night as I was in the shower the words of the song started going through my head;
(I'll Fly Away Words and Music by Alfred E. Brumley)
Some glad morning when this life is o'er,
I'll fly away;
To a home on God's celestial shore,
I'll fly away.
Chorus
I'll fly away, Oh Glory
I'll fly away; (in the morning)
When I die, Hallelujah, by and by,
I'll fly away.
When the shadows of this life have gone,
I'll fly away;
Like a bird from prison bars has flown,
I'll fly away.
Just a few more weary days and then,
I'll fly away;
To a land where joy shall never end,
I'll fly away.
So, that's what was going through my head.
I had gotten very depressed and worried suddenly on Tuesday--something I couldn't explain other than telling Josh, "I want to get another ultrasound just to see if she's getting better or worse". Wed night Paster preached on worry and how it doesn't need to conquer us--I talked to God confessing my worry, but I still had that feeling that "something's not right". So this morning I called the clinic and asked if I could come in and have someone listen for the heart, they told me to come in and when we got there they took me to ultrasound. The US tech kept the screen turned away from me but looked at it, looked at the nurse and just slightly shook her head. Then she turned the monitor to show me. Adyson's little heart had stopped.
Our precious little Ady has "flown away" to our Saviour's arms. I don't know that I'm rejoicing but in a way it's almost a relief. The last month and a half of waiting has been torture; Not knowing and just waiting. The dr. said I could wait (at the latest) till early next week to be induced to "deal with the shock and emotion of it" but we've been dealing with it for a while now, so I'd rather get it over with. So, first thing tomorrow morning (1/25) I will be induced. Pray for us- it's going to be a tough day. Now we have to deal with the loss, but I think so far it has been easier than when we found out we would lose her. Now there is no slight hope of seeing her alive here--but we have a sure hope of seeing her when we get to Heaven. For that I am very thankful. We will be traveling to CO on Wed to visit my parents for about 5 days, so pray for traveling mercy's and for no snowstorms on Wed or the following Tuesday. Forgive me if I don't get another post up soon.
Thank you for your prayers in the last few months and for the next few weeks and months as we deal with this loss.
Sarah
One of the first times I remember hearing the song "I'll Fly Away" was after Mrs. Schutte's Grandfather (I think...) passed away. About 30 or so of the Schutte clan was up in Leadville and got up to sing in church--of course leaving about 30 of us sitting in the pews :o) (we don't have a really big church). If you've never had the chance to hear Mr and Mrs Schutte sing, you are really missing out and when you get to hear 30 of them sing, it'll bring tears to your eyes-it's so beautiful. But anyway--they got up and sang a good old Southern Gospel Version of "I'll Fly Away"--rejoicing that their loved one was in Heaven. I'll never forget that.
I know you are wondering where I'm going with this, but I hadn't felt Ady move since Saturday evening and was starting to get worried. Last night as I was in the shower the words of the song started going through my head;
(I'll Fly Away Words and Music by Alfred E. Brumley)
Some glad morning when this life is o'er,
I'll fly away;
To a home on God's celestial shore,
I'll fly away.
Chorus
I'll fly away, Oh Glory
I'll fly away; (in the morning)
When I die, Hallelujah, by and by,
I'll fly away.
When the shadows of this life have gone,
I'll fly away;
Like a bird from prison bars has flown,
I'll fly away.
Just a few more weary days and then,
I'll fly away;
To a land where joy shall never end,
I'll fly away.
So, that's what was going through my head.
I had gotten very depressed and worried suddenly on Tuesday--something I couldn't explain other than telling Josh, "I want to get another ultrasound just to see if she's getting better or worse". Wed night Paster preached on worry and how it doesn't need to conquer us--I talked to God confessing my worry, but I still had that feeling that "something's not right". So this morning I called the clinic and asked if I could come in and have someone listen for the heart, they told me to come in and when we got there they took me to ultrasound. The US tech kept the screen turned away from me but looked at it, looked at the nurse and just slightly shook her head. Then she turned the monitor to show me. Adyson's little heart had stopped.
Our precious little Ady has "flown away" to our Saviour's arms. I don't know that I'm rejoicing but in a way it's almost a relief. The last month and a half of waiting has been torture; Not knowing and just waiting. The dr. said I could wait (at the latest) till early next week to be induced to "deal with the shock and emotion of it" but we've been dealing with it for a while now, so I'd rather get it over with. So, first thing tomorrow morning (1/25) I will be induced. Pray for us- it's going to be a tough day. Now we have to deal with the loss, but I think so far it has been easier than when we found out we would lose her. Now there is no slight hope of seeing her alive here--but we have a sure hope of seeing her when we get to Heaven. For that I am very thankful. We will be traveling to CO on Wed to visit my parents for about 5 days, so pray for traveling mercy's and for no snowstorms on Wed or the following Tuesday. Forgive me if I don't get another post up soon.
Thank you for your prayers in the last few months and for the next few weeks and months as we deal with this loss.
Sarah
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Kickboxing???
Hey everybody--sorry it's been a while--I'm actually back to work now :o) That's good--it helps pay the bills!!
I had a dr. apt last Tuesday and basically he just went over the report of what the specialist had said, but one thing I had misunderstood from the specialist was that if we lost her, I would miscarry. But the Dr. said since I'm so far along I probably won't miscarry, but that she would die and then they would induce me and would try to avoid doing a c-section. I think that's worse than just miscarrying. Oh well, everything in God's timing and way I guess. He also said there was not much point in doing any more ultrasounds since they're assuming she's not going to get better. But in the event that she's still alive in April, I want an ultrasound b/c if things have changed and she has problems that are fixable, I want to deliver in a place that can do them and hopefully at a reduced cost. He also said that the condition she's in not, nothing can be done for her, so if she is born (with the problems she has now) all they will pretty much do is "comfort care". Keep her warm and feed until she goes home to be with the Lord. I don't know what would be harder--losing her before meeting her or after a day or two of having her. Guess it's not my job to worry--God will do what He deems best.
However, maybe it's my false sense of "mommy to be" hope, but I think the prayers are working!! When I first felt Ady move, it was very very slight and not much pressure, but last Thursday all of a sudden the girl's taken kickboxing lessons b/c she's been kicking hard!! The amount of strength that she gained in less than a week is amazing!! So, keep praying--maybe we'll get our miracle yet!!
Pray also that Josh will get a lot of hours and be able to go full time in a few months. This week he hasn't worked much.
Well, that's it for now I think, I'll talk to you all later,
Sarah
I had a dr. apt last Tuesday and basically he just went over the report of what the specialist had said, but one thing I had misunderstood from the specialist was that if we lost her, I would miscarry. But the Dr. said since I'm so far along I probably won't miscarry, but that she would die and then they would induce me and would try to avoid doing a c-section. I think that's worse than just miscarrying. Oh well, everything in God's timing and way I guess. He also said there was not much point in doing any more ultrasounds since they're assuming she's not going to get better. But in the event that she's still alive in April, I want an ultrasound b/c if things have changed and she has problems that are fixable, I want to deliver in a place that can do them and hopefully at a reduced cost. He also said that the condition she's in not, nothing can be done for her, so if she is born (with the problems she has now) all they will pretty much do is "comfort care". Keep her warm and feed until she goes home to be with the Lord. I don't know what would be harder--losing her before meeting her or after a day or two of having her. Guess it's not my job to worry--God will do what He deems best.
However, maybe it's my false sense of "mommy to be" hope, but I think the prayers are working!! When I first felt Ady move, it was very very slight and not much pressure, but last Thursday all of a sudden the girl's taken kickboxing lessons b/c she's been kicking hard!! The amount of strength that she gained in less than a week is amazing!! So, keep praying--maybe we'll get our miracle yet!!
Pray also that Josh will get a lot of hours and be able to go full time in a few months. This week he hasn't worked much.
Well, that's it for now I think, I'll talk to you all later,
Sarah
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Day by day...
One more thing; on Sunday night we sang two songs that really touched my heart. The first was "Count Your Blessings" and I could do that having just felt my daughter move for the first time, especially when I didn't know if I would ever get to feel that. The next one we sang was my favorite hymn "Day By Day". A high schooler and I both play flute with the piano's at church so I was sitting up front when we played it and listening to everyone sing, I started crying. The pastor's youngest daughter brought me tissues, which was very sweet. But here's the words to that song--they've meant alot to me in the last few weeks:
Day by day, and with each passing moment,
Strength I find, to meet my trials here;
Trusting in my Father’s wise bestowment,
I’ve no cause for worry or for fear.
He Whose heart is kind beyond all measure
Gives unto each day what He deems best—
Lovingly, its part of pain and pleasure,
Mingling toil with peace and rest.
Every day, the Lord Himself is near me
With a special mercy for each hour;
All my cares He fain would bear, and cheer me,
He Whose Name is Counselor and Power;
The protection of His child and treasure
Is a charge that on Himself He laid;
“As thy days, thy strength shall be in measure,”
This the pledge to me He made.
Help me then in every tribulation
So to trust Thy promises, O Lord,
That I lose not faith’s sweet consolation
Offered me within Thy holy Word.
Help me, Lord, when toil and trouble meeting,
E'er to take, as from a father’s hand,
One by one, the days, the moments fleeting,
Till I reach the promised land.
Day by day, and with each passing moment,
Strength I find, to meet my trials here;
Trusting in my Father’s wise bestowment,
I’ve no cause for worry or for fear.
He Whose heart is kind beyond all measure
Gives unto each day what He deems best—
Lovingly, its part of pain and pleasure,
Mingling toil with peace and rest.
Every day, the Lord Himself is near me
With a special mercy for each hour;
All my cares He fain would bear, and cheer me,
He Whose Name is Counselor and Power;
The protection of His child and treasure
Is a charge that on Himself He laid;
“As thy days, thy strength shall be in measure,”
This the pledge to me He made.
Help me then in every tribulation
So to trust Thy promises, O Lord,
That I lose not faith’s sweet consolation
Offered me within Thy holy Word.
Help me, Lord, when toil and trouble meeting,
E'er to take, as from a father’s hand,
One by one, the days, the moments fleeting,
Till I reach the promised land.
Happy New Year
Happy New Year everyone!!
I can't believe 2007 is over! we've been in Alabama for almost a year, but I don't know if it feels that long! Last night we went to my in-laws church for New Years. My dad-in-law was the "MC" for the evening (he did a wonderful job!)--he hosted the "Name those Christmas lyrics" game and "Are you smarter than an elementary school child?" (there are no 5th graders in their Christian school :o) Those were "interrupted" by commercial breaks from the "sponsors"--people doing little skits. It was very entertaining. We left early and got home a little before midnight. Josh ended up working yesterday from 3:30 to 8:30--they haven't called him for today yet--I was kind of expecting someone to call in "sick". Oh well. Josh's mom is making her infamous chicken pot pie tonight so we're over at my in-laws for the evening. I am now officially wearing my maternity clothes--I'm kind of an emotional eater and I think I've gained about 8 pounds in the last 2 weeks!! I went from "my jeans are tight" on the Tuesday of my ultrasound, to "these jeans are cutting off my circulation" on that Friday. Oh well--guess it's ok to indulge when I'm pregnant and it's Christmas (no shortage of junk food around :o)
I go to my next Dr's appointment tomorrow, I have a whole list of questions to ask and Josh gets to go with me! He can ask for "days off" when they won't call him, so he got one of those for tomorrow so he can go with. I guess that's it for now.
May the Lord bless you in this new year!!!
Sarah
I can't believe 2007 is over! we've been in Alabama for almost a year, but I don't know if it feels that long! Last night we went to my in-laws church for New Years. My dad-in-law was the "MC" for the evening (he did a wonderful job!)--he hosted the "Name those Christmas lyrics" game and "Are you smarter than an elementary school child?" (there are no 5th graders in their Christian school :o) Those were "interrupted" by commercial breaks from the "sponsors"--people doing little skits. It was very entertaining. We left early and got home a little before midnight. Josh ended up working yesterday from 3:30 to 8:30--they haven't called him for today yet--I was kind of expecting someone to call in "sick". Oh well. Josh's mom is making her infamous chicken pot pie tonight so we're over at my in-laws for the evening. I am now officially wearing my maternity clothes--I'm kind of an emotional eater and I think I've gained about 8 pounds in the last 2 weeks!! I went from "my jeans are tight" on the Tuesday of my ultrasound, to "these jeans are cutting off my circulation" on that Friday. Oh well--guess it's ok to indulge when I'm pregnant and it's Christmas (no shortage of junk food around :o)
I go to my next Dr's appointment tomorrow, I have a whole list of questions to ask and Josh gets to go with me! He can ask for "days off" when they won't call him, so he got one of those for tomorrow so he can go with. I guess that's it for now.
May the Lord bless you in this new year!!!
Sarah
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