God's will...

"All things work together for good." Romans 8:28a.

People like to quote that verse when things "go wrong". Some people see it as everything that happens will be good. But most people forgot to quote the rest of the verse.

"All things work together for good to them that love God and are called according to HIS purpose." Whose purpose? I know what most people's "purpose" is--and I’ve been guilty too, wanting it easy and life to go good. And sometimes it is, but what do we learn in that? What is God's purpose in our lives? Again, we have to keep reading: "For whom He foreknew, he also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son." Wow, what a high calling. To be like Christ--and trials, if we let them, will help us to this end. Why am I saying all this? Well, for those of you who don't know yet (or got the tearful 1/2 version that I could barely choke out), here's the scoop.

We're having a girl!!! (We’re going to choose a name tonight). For Christmas presents for our parents, we got my ultrasound moved up two weeks (Tues the 18th-on my 18th week of pregnancy) and we were hoping to put the ultrasound picture in either a pink or blue frame and give it to them for a surprise (and no it was not easy keeping that a secret from future grandparents that I see everyday!!). Well, the tech did the ultrasound (didn't really say anything), left for 20 minutes and came back for about 2 minutes before the Dr came in. He sat down, and as gently as he could, told me something was wrong. There was what appeared to be a cyst at the base of the skull, and the spinal cord appeared to be growing outside of the spinal column, and that there was a very, very good possibility of major birth defects--possible fatal, and they wanted to send me to a specialist in Birmingham the next day. It took a minute to register before the tears came. I drove back to work almost in shock, and then lost it at work telling them I wouldn't be in the next day. Josh was in class and unreachable, so I called my mother-in-law and through lots of tears and "what?", "slow down", "repeat that" and "don't panic yet", I got my story of the botched Christmas present across. So yesterday, the two of us took the long trip to Birmingham (3 hours one way) to see the specialist.

They did an ultrasound, lots of measurements and then dropped the bombshell. He was very suspicious of Turner's Syndrome (not 100% but 99% sure); that is a chromosome problem--generally an extra one (or 1 1/2, 1 1/4 etc), and can vary from mild to severe. The "cyst" that Dr. Pollard had seen was actually what's called a cystic hygroma (CH)--that is fluid around the brain and in the neck. Apparently her little lymphatic system isn't working right and so instead of putting the fluid back into the bloodstream, it lets it leak wherever it can go. In our baby's case, around the brain, neck, spinal cord and abdomen. I'm not real experienced with ultrasound, but I can see more than most people thanks to Dr. Candace and Dr. Ralph, and from what I could see, it was bad. According to the Dr., there is a very, very good chance of miscarriage and a very slim possibility for a full term baby, BUT if she makes it that long, he was doubtful that she would live more than a day or two.

SO, needless to say, it was a very long, tearful ride home. While it is a "genetic" problem, it is not our genetics that are the problem--neither Josh or I are a carrier and none of our future children will be anymore at risk than this one was (~1in 25,000); According to the dr, 3 in 100 pregnancy's have very bad and/or fatal birth defects and we are one of the 3. Also in the Dr's words--"it's just a fluke thing". No, not a fluke. God has a plan and He made her perfect according to His will. Why? I have no idea, but it is His will. But I also know, she is not dead yet, and God can do miracles and can fix her little body and make her perfectly normal, or special needs, but alive. However, I know He can also choose to take her home at anytime. Not what I want to happen, but I guess we will accept what God brings our way.

So, all that said. Pray for us--for strength and wisdom. We very well might just be getting over and accepting this news when we lose her and have to go through this again. So keep us in your prayers. It will be a tough Christmas but we "can do all things through Christ who strengthens" us. And if God decides to take our precious child home, we can try to follow King David's example--pray fervently for God to heal the child, but if he takes her home, weep and then--rejoice!! We will meet her in heaven--maybe for the first time and she will have a healthy, glorified and perfect body. And she will have already been in the arms of our great Savior, Jesus Christ.